Quite a year

I never would have thought, when 2008 began, that I would end the year as a blogger. It just wasn't on my radar, but it has become such a blessing. I have always enjoyed writing, and certainly I wouldn't have picked the reason that prompted me to keep this blog, but it is nice to be writing again on a regular basis.

We probably don't take enough time to stop in our tracks and take stock of where we are and how we got there and where we are going. New Year's Eve is as good an excuse as any, but this exercise maybe should occur three or four times a year.

I am carrying good vibes from 2008 with me into the New Year. There was a great cruise with my mom, daughter and two sisters -- especially sweet because it followed Mom's heart attack last December. Tom and I had several nice trips -- one with my work to Tucson, one for fun to Las Vegas with my sister and brother-in-law and a great fall trip to Gettysburg. Ben's OSU graduation creates new options for him going forward. Professionally, I'm excited about the people I work with and the plans we have for the new year.

There is too much good surrounding me to outweigh the cancer in my gut. I look forward to the entry I will write in this blog a year from now, talking about all the great things that happened after the tumor was successfully removed. Happy New Year!

Taking care of me

Sometimes you just need to relax. That's my game plan for today.

I had hoped the long weekend after Christmas would provide some nice down time, but it's not the same kind of relaxation when you're fighting a bad head cold and you don't have the energy to do anything but sleep and lie around the house.

Yesterday found me back at work, feeling better but still not up to full speed. Rather than risk getting too run down to be able to get my chemo on Friday, I'm staying in today. This finally feels like that laid-back day I had been looking forward to after Christmas.

The present

I fell asleep last night thinking that sometimes I get so caught up in the future, I forget to be thankful for today.

My thoughts soar ahead to when I am done with my cancer treatment, when I am on the mend from surgery to remove the tumor, when I am ready to resume my exercise routine and feel really healthy again. Sure, it's good to keep that positive outlook. But there are lots of days between now and those milestones to come. What of them?

My thinking last night was that my tendency to look ahead and expect good things to come may have been a disservice to my family, and especially my children. As I have encouraged them to strive for their goals, I'm not sure I tell them often enough that they are wonderful just as they are.

How fitting that the sermon in church this morning followed a similar theme! I received it as confirmation of my waning thoughts last night. Yes, look hopefully to the future, but don't overlook the beauty and blessings of the present. Today is a gift we are meant to enjoy in all its glory.

Cold

Sometimes God cracks me up. His latest little practical joke was to give me a good old-fashioned head cold. OK, I know God didn't really give me a cold, but it was kind of like He was saying, "You think cancer's bad? Try this!"

The sneezing and watery eyes started on Christmas and came on in full force yesterday. The effect was I didn't have the energy to do anything but sleep the day away, which I think was the idea behind the joke. If not for the cold, I would have been tempted to have been out and about all day with my mom and visiting sister and brother-in-law. Staying in bed on a rainy, blustery day was much better for me.

Funny how something as simple as a cold takes your mind off cancer. I felt miserable most of the day yesterday, and part of the day on Christmas, but I wasn't focused on cancer, which was nice. I knew the cold would pass and I would feel better soon. I need to keep that same outlook with respect to the cancer.

Less is more

We tried a new approach to gift-giving in my family this Christmas. In years past, it had become embarrassing to see the pile of presents spreading out from the tree in my mother's home. It took forever to open them all and was less-than satisfying when it was all over. Did we really need all that stuff?

The economic downturn this year was an excuse to cut back. Instead of buying for each other, our spouses and our children -- my four siblings and I agreed to do a gift-exchange game between all adults who wanted to participate and to buy individual gifts just for the minor children. Stocking stuffers were optional, and the individualized stockings hanging from the banister down the stairs from the main floor to the family room were a fun highlight of Mom's Christmas decorations.

The new approach was pronounced a great success. Less time was spent opening stuff that we really didn't need and more time was spent enjoying each other's company.

Now if I could just get my tumor to adopt that same philosophy -- less is more, tumor. The sooner it shrinks, the better!

Merry Christmas!

There is something very calming about Christmas Eve if you let it be. In the days and weeks leading up to Christmas, to-do lists are long and the temptation is to keep adding to them. The prevalent thinking is: I still have time to do this, go there, buy that.

By Christmas Eve, it's time to accept reality. Some things won't get done. Some presents won't get bought. Some items will not be checked off the list. The early gift we can give ourselves is to be OK with that and to turn our attention to what will happen on Christmas. Families will be together. Hugs, kisses and love will be shared generously. Good cheer, good food and good wishes will abound.

Earlier this fall, I wasn't sure what capacity I would have to enjoy Christmas this year. On darker days, I questioned whether I would be well enough to participate much at all. Now I am looking forward to a Christmas that will be richer in blessings than any I have known before. It won't be about presents under the tree but about the presence of more love and support than I knew I had when this year began.

In this recessed economy, many have been forced to make do with less. My prayer is that creates more opportunity for all of us to be thankful for the gifts of family, friends, love, support and good health. Merry Christmas to all!

Carry on

I will admit to indulging in occasional bouts of anger. Sometimes I just want to yell, "Enough!" and have my tumor be gone. It doesn't last long, though, especially on mornings like today. How can I be so selfish after reading about a 12-year-old who fought brain cancer since he was five and used his illness to spread God's love to everyone he encountered? The story of Dennis "Bubba" Channel Jr. in today's paper brings tears, smiles and much wisdom.

Nor can I stay down when family and friends -- and some I haven't even met -- reach out in e-mails and comments on this blog. It makes me smile when they say I am inspiring. Don't they realize that they are the ones holding me up?

When life goes as it should, it's all give and take. We use what we have to support each other, and in return we have all we need to continue putting one foot in front of the other.