Sometime last year before Cancer 2.0 invaded my life, my son finally persuaded me to begin reading the Harry Potter books. They have been a great diversion, and I have tried to stretch out the enjoyment by limiting myself to a chapter a night. Ben tracks my progress and had warned me, when I reported what chapter I had just finished in book six, that I would have trouble not going on to the next chapter.
He was right.
Ben also was on the mark that these books offer metaphors for just about every challenge we face on our life's journeys. I was especially struck by how nicely the lesson served up in last night's second, irresistible chapter fits my current battle. Harry's mentor, Dumbledore, was stressing the importance of the distinctive advantage Harry would always have over his nemesis, Voldemort. It is the same armament I have against this Disease That Must Not Be Named.
The secret weapon is love.
As long as we reach out to others in love and let their love flow back to us, we have the power to face any foe. Love has been and will continue to be a great source of strength for me in my current battle.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
On the sidelines
I'm feeling a little selfish.
I reached out yesterday to a group a friends and colleagues that I usually see every year at a spring conference. I wanted to let them know I will be recuperating from surgery while they are gathering in Charleston in March. One of these peers wrote back to say she had just gone through her son's successful cancer treatment and would be praying for me and my family.
Her note underscored how much my family needs support and prayers, too, as we face these upcoming weeks. I am thinking especially of the four hours or so that I will be in surgery. While I look forward to being blissfully unaware during the operation and waking up to a tumor-less tummy, my family has the tougher job of waiting to hear all is well. I worry about them worrying too much.
Nor will it be easy on them traipsing back and forth to the hospital while I am regaining enough strength to return home. And then the real fun begins, especially for Tom, when I am back home and needing help with just about everything.
I am grateful for all the prayers being offered for me, and also for those to help my family get through this, too.
I reached out yesterday to a group a friends and colleagues that I usually see every year at a spring conference. I wanted to let them know I will be recuperating from surgery while they are gathering in Charleston in March. One of these peers wrote back to say she had just gone through her son's successful cancer treatment and would be praying for me and my family.
Her note underscored how much my family needs support and prayers, too, as we face these upcoming weeks. I am thinking especially of the four hours or so that I will be in surgery. While I look forward to being blissfully unaware during the operation and waking up to a tumor-less tummy, my family has the tougher job of waiting to hear all is well. I worry about them worrying too much.
Nor will it be easy on them traipsing back and forth to the hospital while I am regaining enough strength to return home. And then the real fun begins, especially for Tom, when I am back home and needing help with just about everything.
I am grateful for all the prayers being offered for me, and also for those to help my family get through this, too.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Snow day
Today was going to be busy at work, but Mother Nature took care of that, bless her heart! The timing for this snow day is perfect!
With chemo done now, I have been trying to work five-day weeks as I count down to surgery, and it has been a little more tiring than I anticipated. Last night it was all I could do to stay vertical long enough to eat dinner before needing to stretch out and read for a little while before going to sleep.
Tom has been great about handling dinner, kitchen clean-up, grocery shopping and just about any other chore I toss his way. I am learning not to feel guilty about focusing my energy on my day job and letting others pick up anything else that needs to be done.
It may be a challenge just to keep to my work routine over these next two weeks. As was the case back in October before chemo started, it is getting harder to find clothes I can wear comfortably for work. Thank goodness for long, no-waist dresses and knee-high boots.
Tom said the other day I could buy a new wardrobe when this tumor is finally out but I told him that won't be necessary. It has been so long since I could wear most of my own clothes, they will all look new when I can finally get back into them!
With chemo done now, I have been trying to work five-day weeks as I count down to surgery, and it has been a little more tiring than I anticipated. Last night it was all I could do to stay vertical long enough to eat dinner before needing to stretch out and read for a little while before going to sleep.
Tom has been great about handling dinner, kitchen clean-up, grocery shopping and just about any other chore I toss his way. I am learning not to feel guilty about focusing my energy on my day job and letting others pick up anything else that needs to be done.
It may be a challenge just to keep to my work routine over these next two weeks. As was the case back in October before chemo started, it is getting harder to find clothes I can wear comfortably for work. Thank goodness for long, no-waist dresses and knee-high boots.
Tom said the other day I could buy a new wardrobe when this tumor is finally out but I told him that won't be necessary. It has been so long since I could wear most of my own clothes, they will all look new when I can finally get back into them!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
All set!
I have a firm date now to get this tumor removed, and I couldn't be more ready. The OSU surgeon we met with on Friday, Dr. Melvin, will take it out on Feb. 12.
The final decision came down to different types of experience. Removing large tumors from the abdomen is apparently something that this doctor does almost routinely. This is his home court, and I am confident he will not encounter something in my gut that he hasn't seen before.
Dr. Brenda is the best there is for breast surgery, and I will always recommend her in that capacity. She has given me great care for more than 12 years. She had a good game plan for removing my tumor, but she wouldn't have the home field advantage.
I had prayed for signs to help make the right choice between two good surgeons, so I had to smile as I was driving back to work on Friday from the meeting with Dr. Melvin at his off-campus office. Something on the right side of the road caught my attention: OSU Medical Center, next exit.
Well, I thought, that is a sign. Maybe that should be my next stop. As Tom and I discussed my options over the weekend, it became clearer that the road sign was the right one to follow.
The final decision came down to different types of experience. Removing large tumors from the abdomen is apparently something that this doctor does almost routinely. This is his home court, and I am confident he will not encounter something in my gut that he hasn't seen before.
Dr. Brenda is the best there is for breast surgery, and I will always recommend her in that capacity. She has given me great care for more than 12 years. She had a good game plan for removing my tumor, but she wouldn't have the home field advantage.
I had prayed for signs to help make the right choice between two good surgeons, so I had to smile as I was driving back to work on Friday from the meeting with Dr. Melvin at his off-campus office. Something on the right side of the road caught my attention: OSU Medical Center, next exit.
Well, I thought, that is a sign. Maybe that should be my next stop. As Tom and I discussed my options over the weekend, it became clearer that the road sign was the right one to follow.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Good choices
I was reminded again yesterday of how fortunate I am to live in a city with so many good physicians and to have health insurance that allows me to make choices between great options for care. It is sad to think many wage this battle without that critical ammunition.
Tom and I met with an OSU surgeon yesterday for a second opinion on removing the tumor that continues to grow in my gut. It was clear in this consultation that surgery is my next step, and it was comforting to know there is more than one surgeon in town ready to do the job. My goal is to make a decision between two good surgeons and get a firm surgery date scheduled on Monday. I know there are lots of prayers being lifted up for me to get this decision right.
As further testimony to my great medical care, Tom and I were amazed last night to hear from my oncologist. It was going on 8 p.m. when he called to see how I was doing this week and to make sure I was planning to go ahead with surgery. His concern was that I not delay, or we might need to throw more chemo at the tumor and not leave it on its own.
Thank God for men and women who have dedicated themselves to taking good care of the rest of us!
Tom and I met with an OSU surgeon yesterday for a second opinion on removing the tumor that continues to grow in my gut. It was clear in this consultation that surgery is my next step, and it was comforting to know there is more than one surgeon in town ready to do the job. My goal is to make a decision between two good surgeons and get a firm surgery date scheduled on Monday. I know there are lots of prayers being lifted up for me to get this decision right.
As further testimony to my great medical care, Tom and I were amazed last night to hear from my oncologist. It was going on 8 p.m. when he called to see how I was doing this week and to make sure I was planning to go ahead with surgery. His concern was that I not delay, or we might need to throw more chemo at the tumor and not leave it on its own.
Thank God for men and women who have dedicated themselves to taking good care of the rest of us!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Just what I need
It is amazing how little spirit boosters pop up just when you need them most.
Reminders of the love and support that surround me have been abundant this week as I have faced some difficult realities of my situation. They came in the form of calls and notes from friends I hadn't heard from in a while, homemade cookies and a card of encouragement left in our mailbox, a gift symbolizing bonds of friendship delivered to my home, and hugs over lunch.
The messages touched my heart: "Stay strong," "You help give me courage," "Thinking of you," "I love your positive thoughts." How can I not stay strong and keep thinking positively when I have such encouragement?
Friends have also shared knowledge and experience that are strengthening my resolve to go ahead with the surgery in a little over two weeks from now. They are helping me see beyond the surgery to recovery and renewed good health.
From childhood Sunday school lessons and the shared faith of others, I have learned to believe God gives us what we need to face any challenge. This week has been a celebration of that belief in action.
Reminders of the love and support that surround me have been abundant this week as I have faced some difficult realities of my situation. They came in the form of calls and notes from friends I hadn't heard from in a while, homemade cookies and a card of encouragement left in our mailbox, a gift symbolizing bonds of friendship delivered to my home, and hugs over lunch.
The messages touched my heart: "Stay strong," "You help give me courage," "Thinking of you," "I love your positive thoughts." How can I not stay strong and keep thinking positively when I have such encouragement?
Friends have also shared knowledge and experience that are strengthening my resolve to go ahead with the surgery in a little over two weeks from now. They are helping me see beyond the surgery to recovery and renewed good health.
From childhood Sunday school lessons and the shared faith of others, I have learned to believe God gives us what we need to face any challenge. This week has been a celebration of that belief in action.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Long and short of it
Time is such a funny commodity.
If someone had told me in September when I began this journey that I was facing five months of tests and treatment before I could rid my body of this tumor, it would have seemed interminable. Putting one foot in front of the other, with so many steps between me and my destination, would have been a huge challenge. Taking it in smaller chunks of one doctor's visit to the next, one chemo cycle at a time, sometimes one day at a time, has been so much more manageable.
Looking ahead to surgery and recovery, the time seems very short indeed. Yesterday I began plotting the tasks that will need to be accomplished while I am off work and filling in who will be covering what in my absence. Putting it on paper like that -- targeting a return to work by the end of March -- struck me as incredibly soon.
Winter will barely be over, spring just beginning. The timing couldn't be more perfect! And it will be here before I know it. Funny how time is long or short depending on what you see coming down the road.
If someone had told me in September when I began this journey that I was facing five months of tests and treatment before I could rid my body of this tumor, it would have seemed interminable. Putting one foot in front of the other, with so many steps between me and my destination, would have been a huge challenge. Taking it in smaller chunks of one doctor's visit to the next, one chemo cycle at a time, sometimes one day at a time, has been so much more manageable.
Looking ahead to surgery and recovery, the time seems very short indeed. Yesterday I began plotting the tasks that will need to be accomplished while I am off work and filling in who will be covering what in my absence. Putting it on paper like that -- targeting a return to work by the end of March -- struck me as incredibly soon.
Winter will barely be over, spring just beginning. The timing couldn't be more perfect! And it will be here before I know it. Funny how time is long or short depending on what you see coming down the road.
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