Tricks and Treats

It is Halloween and I am looking forward to beginning my second round of chemo today. Really!

A round -- at least as I am defining it -- is a three-week cycle. Today I will get one chemo drug, Gemzar, plus all the good stuff they give you to help counteract bad effects of the drug. Next week will be the two-drug dose, and then I will have a week off.

I am viewing the drugs I will get today as my treat. Now that I have been through a full round of this, I have an expectation that today's treatment will not be too hard on me. There will probably be a little bit of a downer on Sunday, following the chemo high of today and most of Saturday. But the one-drug treatment shouldn't zap my energy like the double dose does.

The target for the trick is the tumor. The first round started to get its attention. Now it's time to kick it around some more and force it to start shrinking in terror. My abiding thought for today is that this Halloween treatment scares the heck out of my lump!

Converging

My husband is a great student of the Civil War, especially Gettysburg. I have learned a little from him about the battle in that Pennsyvania town, and it gives me an image about my own cancer battle.

There are something like 10 different roads that lead to Gettysburg, which is part of what caused it to become a great battle site. Similarly, I have been thinking about all the roads that have brought me to where I am. These roads include the effort I have made in recent years to improve my physical health; the great network of family, friends and co-workers I have been able to build through the years; growth in my spiritual well-being; the maturity of my family; the great confidence I have developed in my professional team, even the experience I gained from Cancer 1.0 12 years ago.

When I put all these things together, I feel about as well-prepared as I ever could be for this fight. Gettysburg didn't invite the battle 145 years ago, but it survived. I will, too!

It's not all bad

One thing about being in a battle with cancer is how it changes your priorities. And it's not all bad.

I have tried to ask myself what I would be fretting over these days, what I would have been focused on about now, if I weren't centered on this health issue. I am certain some of whatever would have been catching my attention would have been trivial compared with my keener perspective today. Seeing through the filter of this battle helps to clarify what is important and keeps me more appreciative of what is good and right with the world. When I am feeling good, I am ready to celebrate it.

A friend called this morning to say a lunch we had planned for tomorrow would have to be rescheduled. OK, I responded, how about today? And, thankfully, we were able to move our lunch up a day. It wasn't until we were talking later at lunch that she pointed out my seize-the-moment response was a bit out of character. True, but now I have a stronger sense of what's important.

Grateful

I have been reading OSU football coach Jim Tressel's book, "The Winners Manual for the Game of Life." There is a lot of good stuff in this book and one part I keep coming back to mentally is something he says about attitude. Here's what he wrote:

Another one of my favorite quotes is this one: "It is impossible to be grateful and unhappy at the same time." That is a powerful truth. You're either going to be grateful or unhappy. That's your choice.

We do choose our attitude. When I think about all the support I have in family, friends, co-workers and at church, I can't help but be grateful. And that's a lot better than being uphappy!

Making progress

I knew when I e-mailed friends and family on Oct. 18 about how I was feeling so good that it was probably due in part to the chemo-high of good stuff to counteract the bad. Now I also know the low that follows can be a doozy!

After a rough couple of days, I started feeling stronger again by Tuesday of this past week. Part of that I attribute to being able to stop taking pain pills every four hours. The pills weren't really making me drowsy but the cumulative effect of living from pill to pill was getting to me. It is so much better to have a clearer head without them.

And here's the best part -- I have been able to stay away from the pain pills because I don't still have that feeling that my abdomen is ready to explode. The lump is either shrinking or at least it's not still growing like it was!

Now I am looking forward to a good week before chemo starts up again this coming Friday.

Welcome to my blog

The journalist in me is still wrestling with the notion of becoming a blogger. Blogging won out, though, because it seems a good way to let my cheerleaders know how I'm doing without presuming that they all want e-mails from me on a regular basis.

If you're reading this, please accept my thanks for being part of my support network. It has been incredible in the very short time I have learned that I am in a new cancer fight to also be reminded of how much love and support surrounds me and lifts me up.

My prayer is to be a vessel for God's love -- to be so filled with His healing power that I am able to pour it out and share it with others. Please know that all your prayers and positive thoughts for me are coming back to you with my prayers and hopes for your well-being also. I am incredibly blessed to have that opportunity.