Mary's blog 4 healing: It's not all bad

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It's not all bad

One thing about being in a battle with cancer is how it changes your priorities. And it's not all bad.

I have tried to ask myself what I would be fretting over these days, what I would have been focused on about now, if I weren't centered on this health issue. I am certain some of whatever would have been catching my attention would have been trivial compared with my keener perspective today. Seeing through the filter of this battle helps to clarify what is important and keeps me more appreciative of what is good and right with the world. When I am feeling good, I am ready to celebrate it.

A friend called this morning to say a lunch we had planned for tomorrow would have to be rescheduled. OK, I responded, how about today? And, thankfully, we were able to move our lunch up a day. It wasn't until we were talking later at lunch that she pointed out my seize-the-moment response was a bit out of character. True, but now I have a stronger sense of what's important.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...: This is a beautiful, grace-filled blog! Thank you so much for doing this. It is an inspiration. Know that you are surrounded by prayers, love, and support.

Kathy Dwyer; October 28, 2008 at 8:57 PM
Anonymous said...: Thanks for sharing your thoughts and progress. Please know that I am sending hugs, prayers and good wishes to you.

It has been 12 years since I spent a Mother's Day weekend with the Mock Flock. That time was very important to me and I am so glad I was able to share it with you and meet more of the family. Sometimes it's nice to focus on what's really important and let this other crazy stuff go.

Thanks again for sharing. Lots of love- Dana Matthews; October 28, 2008 at 10:08 PM
Mandy said...: I agree. It definitely helps a person readjust their focus in life.

I've said it so many times to others, but I don't know if I've actually told you: Your amazing attitude and good spirit are such an inspiration. I think I complained more about having blood drawn the other day than you have throughout this whole process. You are my hero.

Love,
Mandy; October 28, 2008 at 11:29 PM
Anonymous said...: I know last Sunday you were feeling a little hesitant about blogging your updates, but with all the uplifting messages and prayers you're receiving, you must surely know by now that it was an excellent idea.

As I read your messages and subsequent comments, I find myself experiencing tears, gratitude for all the prayers and support you're receiving and, like Mandy, the true meaning of inspiration.

I am certain that your spiritual strength and support, along with all the prayers and love of our family and your multitude of close friends, church family, coworkers and business acqaintances (each of us having been inspired by you at one time or another...or many times) will bring you sailing through this battle, much like the battle you won 12 years ago.

With much love and many prayers,
Annie; October 29, 2008 at 1:23 PM
Anonymous said...: i've never met you, but you are my hero.

i came to this site through mandy, whom i used to work with at ACN!

so glad to hear you share. you'll be in our thoughts and prayers!; October 29, 2008 at 11:53 PM

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My "lump" timeline

Sept. 6, 2008 -- Whoa! What's that?
I find a lump in my upper right abdomen while fitting the bodice of a gown I'm making to wear to Tom's Civil War re-enacting events.
Sept. 10, 2008 -- Yep, it's a lump
My primary care doc can feel it, too, but guesses it could be a hernia. Tests are scheduled.
Sept. 12, 2008 -- First of many tests
A CT scan is done, along with some blood work.
Sept. 15, 2008 -- Results confirm a mass
My primary care doc says the size is 10 by 9 by 8 centimeters. Time to confer with a surgeon, and we both like Dr. Brenda, who was my breast cancer surgeon in 1996.
Sept. 16, 2008 -- Happy birthday to me
Dr. Brenda wants more tests to make a better game plan for removing the lump.
Sept. 23, 2008 -- What kind of lump?
A CT-guided needle biopsy is performed to find out what the lump is.
Sept. 29, 2008 -- Fears confirmed
Tom and I return home from a wonderful long weekend in Gettysburg but the stress of not knowing and the unabated lump growth have suddenly combined to turn my abdomen to fire. I finally reach Dr. Brenda and she confirms that the lump is a malignant cancer, a sarcoma of connective, smooth muscle. I ask her for pain pills. She asks for more tests.
Oct. 2, 2008 -- More tests
Another scan and an MRI are done to see if the lump has moved into my chest.
Oct. 3, 2008 -- More results
Tom and I see Dr. Brenda and learn the lump has not moved into my chest (good!), but it is too big to be safely removed by surgery. Time to see an oncologist to see if we can shrink the lump.
Oct. 7, 2008 -- New doc on board
Tom and I meet with Dr. Sarwar, who says he will be consulting with a University of Michigan physician who I've already heard is a sarcoma expert. We like the game plan.
Oct. 10, 2008 -- First chemo
This one isn't so bad. Just one drug, Gemzar, is administered this session. I cut back on work a little -- no evening meetings to conserve my energy.
Oct. 17, 2008 -- Second chemo
Now we're kicking some butt. Gemzar is combined with Taxotere to give the lump a one-two punch. I enjoy a short chemo-high from all the good stuff they give you to fight off bad effects but by Sunday I'm wiped out.
Oct. 21, 2008 -- Gaining on the pain
Maybe the chemo has gotten the lump's attention. Dr. Sarwar says it's too soon to expect results but I'm ready to try getting along without the pain pills I had been taking every four hours since Sept. 29. My last pill is at 6 a.m. this morning.
Oct. 26, 2008 -- Feeling good
I have regained energy and started taking on a bit more activity, including some work outside this afternoon to clean out flower pots for the winter.
Oct. 31, 2008 -- Chemo round two
This one will be Gemzar only again; with both Gemzar and Taxotere the following week. The plan is to do at least two rounds of chemo before more scans to test for shrinkage. Maybe four full rounds before I am ready for surgery.
Nov. 21, 2008 -- Chemo round three
Surprisingly, the second round of chemo was easier to tolerate than the first. This day starts the third round and my doctor agrees with my visual assessment that the tumor is shrinking.
Dec. 1, 2008 -- Schedule change
The Thanksgiving holiday prompts a change in the round three chemo schedule. I get a reprieve on the usual Friday appointment and have my double dose instead on this Monday.
Dec. 12, 2008 -- Not the best news
Yesterday's CT scan did not provide the confirmation we had hoped that the tumor is shrinking. The doctor today said it is about the same size as when treatment began in October. But as least it isn't bigger, and blood tests for cancer activity showed improvement.
Dec. 19, 2008 -- Finishing round four
A double dose of chemo today wraps up the fourth cycle of chemo, just in time for a breather before the holidays.
Jan. 9, 2009 -- Chemo cycle five, with a twist
I was ready for a new round of chemo the day after New Year's but the doctor's office didn't have enough other willing patients that Friday to warrant bringing the doctor in, so the fifth cycle was delayed to today. Rather than further postpone the attack, the doctor made today a double-dose day, with the single dose next Friday.
Jan. 14, 2009 -- PET scan
I think I've had every kind of scan there is now; this one is to look inside the tumor at cancer activity, or lack there of.
Jan. 16, 2009 -- Final chemo
Today's single dose ends up being my last. This week's scan showed a lot of the tumor is dead tissue but it is still active and growing at the top. Challenge now is to find the right surgeon to take out the tumor.
Feb. 12, 2009 -- Cut it out!
This is the date for surgery at OSU Medical Center to remove this tumor, now too massive to call just a lump. It will be more like delivering a demon baby.
Feb. 13, 2009 -- It's finally gone
The operation was a success. In addition to taking out about 10 pounds of tumor, the surgeon also removed pieces of my pancreas, stomach and intestines but didn't have to take out a kidney, as he thought he might. I have two drains in my side and a tube through my nose to my stomach, along with an IV-tube in my neck, but knowing the tumor is gone is a great relief.
Feb. 20, 2009 -- Going home
A week and a day after surgery, I am heading home. It's nice to get in my own bed but I still have a long recovery ahead.
March 3, 2009 -- More progress
I leave a follow-up visit to the surgeon with my staples and the last drain removed. He says I am doing great; that some people who had such extensive surgery would still be in the hospital.
March 17, 2009 -- Looking ahead
Tom and I meet with a new oncologist today. His job will be to guard against recurrences and help me fight back if they occur. He seems appropriately thorough and up for the task.

Mary's blog 4 healing

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It's not all bad

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