Don't tell my boss, but I have concluded work is good for me.
That isn't an entirely new revelation, but the truth was underscored with last week's snowfall that caused my office to shut down one day in the middle of the week. Being at home unexpectedly gave me too much time to focus on myself and all the downsides of my current condition.
Discomfort associated with my distended abdomen was magnified as I moved slowly around the house. With my surgery date finally certain, I spent much more time than usual looking ahead to Feb. 12. Rather than feeling rested and refreshed, by the end of the day I had myself convinced that I could not have worked that day and I seriously questioned how I would make it through the two weeks until I can get this tumor removed.
The contrast with the days at work since then has been very interesting, if not remarkable. I still tire by evening but there is good medicine in being occupied with deadlines and responsibilities that leave little time for self-focus. The week since that snow day has passed faster and with less distress than I had anticipated.
It is especially good to have a job these days, but I have even more reason to be thankful for mine.
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My "lump" timeline
Sept. 6, 2008 -- Whoa! What's that?
I find a lump in my upper right abdomen while fitting the bodice of a gown I'm making to wear to Tom's Civil War re-enacting events.
Sept. 10, 2008 -- Yep, it's a lump
My primary care doc can feel it, too, but guesses it could be a hernia. Tests are scheduled.
Sept. 12, 2008 -- First of many tests
A CT scan is done, along with some blood work.
Sept. 15, 2008 -- Results confirm a mass
My primary care doc says the size is 10 by 9 by 8 centimeters. Time to confer with a surgeon, and we both like Dr. Brenda, who was my breast cancer surgeon in 1996.
Sept. 16, 2008 -- Happy birthday to me
Dr. Brenda wants more tests to make a better game plan for removing the lump.
Sept. 23, 2008 -- What kind of lump?
A CT-guided needle biopsy is performed to find out what the lump is.
Sept. 29, 2008 -- Fears confirmed
Tom and I return home from a wonderful long weekend in Gettysburg but the stress of not knowing and the unabated lump growth have suddenly combined to turn my abdomen to fire. I finally reach Dr. Brenda and she confirms that the lump is a malignant cancer, a sarcoma of connective, smooth muscle. I ask her for pain pills. She asks for more tests.
Oct. 2, 2008 -- More tests
Another scan and an MRI are done to see if the lump has moved into my chest.
Oct. 3, 2008 -- More results
Tom and I see Dr. Brenda and learn the lump has not moved into my chest (good!), but it is too big to be safely removed by surgery. Time to see an oncologist to see if we can shrink the lump.
Oct. 7, 2008 -- New doc on board
Tom and I meet with Dr. Sarwar, who says he will be consulting with a University of Michigan physician who I've already heard is a sarcoma expert. We like the game plan.
Oct. 10, 2008 -- First chemo
This one isn't so bad. Just one drug, Gemzar, is administered this session. I cut back on work a little -- no evening meetings to conserve my energy.
Oct. 17, 2008 -- Second chemo
Now we're kicking some butt. Gemzar is combined with Taxotere to give the lump a one-two punch. I enjoy a short chemo-high from all the good stuff they give you to fight off bad effects but by Sunday I'm wiped out.
Oct. 21, 2008 -- Gaining on the pain
Maybe the chemo has gotten the lump's attention. Dr. Sarwar says it's too soon to expect results but I'm ready to try getting along without the pain pills I had been taking every four hours since Sept. 29. My last pill is at 6 a.m. this morning.
Oct. 26, 2008 -- Feeling good
I have regained energy and started taking on a bit more activity, including some work outside this afternoon to clean out flower pots for the winter.
Oct. 31, 2008 -- Chemo round two
This one will be Gemzar only again; with both Gemzar and Taxotere the following week. The plan is to do at least two rounds of chemo before more scans to test for shrinkage. Maybe four full rounds before I am ready for surgery.
Nov. 21, 2008 -- Chemo round three
Surprisingly, the second round of chemo was easier to tolerate than the first. This day starts the third round and my doctor agrees with my visual assessment that the tumor is shrinking.
Dec. 1, 2008 -- Schedule change
The Thanksgiving holiday prompts a change in the round three chemo schedule. I get a reprieve on the usual Friday appointment and have my double dose instead on this Monday.
Dec. 12, 2008 -- Not the best news
Yesterday's CT scan did not provide the confirmation we had hoped that the tumor is shrinking. The doctor today said it is about the same size as when treatment began in October. But as least it isn't bigger, and blood tests for cancer activity showed improvement.
Dec. 19, 2008 -- Finishing round four
A double dose of chemo today wraps up the fourth cycle of chemo, just in time for a breather before the holidays.
Jan. 9, 2009 -- Chemo cycle five, with a twist
I was ready for a new round of chemo the day after New Year's but the doctor's office didn't have enough other willing patients that Friday to warrant bringing the doctor in, so the fifth cycle was delayed to today. Rather than further postpone the attack, the doctor made today a double-dose day, with the single dose next Friday.
Jan. 14, 2009 -- PET scan
I think I've had every kind of scan there is now; this one is to look inside the tumor at cancer activity, or lack there of.
Jan. 16, 2009 -- Final chemo
Today's single dose ends up being my last. This week's scan showed a lot of the tumor is dead tissue but it is still active and growing at the top. Challenge now is to find the right surgeon to take out the tumor.
Feb. 12, 2009 -- Cut it out!
This is the date for surgery at OSU Medical Center to remove this tumor, now too massive to call just a lump. It will be more like delivering a demon baby.
Feb. 13, 2009 -- It's finally gone
The operation was a success. In addition to taking out about 10 pounds of tumor, the surgeon also removed pieces of my pancreas, stomach and intestines but didn't have to take out a kidney, as he thought he might. I have two drains in my side and a tube through my nose to my stomach, along with an IV-tube in my neck, but knowing the tumor is gone is a great relief.
Feb. 20, 2009 -- Going home
A week and a day after surgery, I am heading home. It's nice to get in my own bed but I still have a long recovery ahead.
March 3, 2009 -- More progress
I leave a follow-up visit to the surgeon with my staples and the last drain removed. He says I am doing great; that some people who had such extensive surgery would still be in the hospital.
March 17, 2009 -- Looking ahead
Tom and I meet with a new oncologist today. His job will be to guard against recurrences and help me fight back if they occur. He seems appropriately thorough and up for the task.
I find a lump in my upper right abdomen while fitting the bodice of a gown I'm making to wear to Tom's Civil War re-enacting events.
Sept. 10, 2008 -- Yep, it's a lump
My primary care doc can feel it, too, but guesses it could be a hernia. Tests are scheduled.
Sept. 12, 2008 -- First of many tests
A CT scan is done, along with some blood work.
Sept. 15, 2008 -- Results confirm a mass
My primary care doc says the size is 10 by 9 by 8 centimeters. Time to confer with a surgeon, and we both like Dr. Brenda, who was my breast cancer surgeon in 1996.
Sept. 16, 2008 -- Happy birthday to me
Dr. Brenda wants more tests to make a better game plan for removing the lump.
Sept. 23, 2008 -- What kind of lump?
A CT-guided needle biopsy is performed to find out what the lump is.
Sept. 29, 2008 -- Fears confirmed
Tom and I return home from a wonderful long weekend in Gettysburg but the stress of not knowing and the unabated lump growth have suddenly combined to turn my abdomen to fire. I finally reach Dr. Brenda and she confirms that the lump is a malignant cancer, a sarcoma of connective, smooth muscle. I ask her for pain pills. She asks for more tests.
Oct. 2, 2008 -- More tests
Another scan and an MRI are done to see if the lump has moved into my chest.
Oct. 3, 2008 -- More results
Tom and I see Dr. Brenda and learn the lump has not moved into my chest (good!), but it is too big to be safely removed by surgery. Time to see an oncologist to see if we can shrink the lump.
Oct. 7, 2008 -- New doc on board
Tom and I meet with Dr. Sarwar, who says he will be consulting with a University of Michigan physician who I've already heard is a sarcoma expert. We like the game plan.
Oct. 10, 2008 -- First chemo
This one isn't so bad. Just one drug, Gemzar, is administered this session. I cut back on work a little -- no evening meetings to conserve my energy.
Oct. 17, 2008 -- Second chemo
Now we're kicking some butt. Gemzar is combined with Taxotere to give the lump a one-two punch. I enjoy a short chemo-high from all the good stuff they give you to fight off bad effects but by Sunday I'm wiped out.
Oct. 21, 2008 -- Gaining on the pain
Maybe the chemo has gotten the lump's attention. Dr. Sarwar says it's too soon to expect results but I'm ready to try getting along without the pain pills I had been taking every four hours since Sept. 29. My last pill is at 6 a.m. this morning.
Oct. 26, 2008 -- Feeling good
I have regained energy and started taking on a bit more activity, including some work outside this afternoon to clean out flower pots for the winter.
Oct. 31, 2008 -- Chemo round two
This one will be Gemzar only again; with both Gemzar and Taxotere the following week. The plan is to do at least two rounds of chemo before more scans to test for shrinkage. Maybe four full rounds before I am ready for surgery.
Nov. 21, 2008 -- Chemo round three
Surprisingly, the second round of chemo was easier to tolerate than the first. This day starts the third round and my doctor agrees with my visual assessment that the tumor is shrinking.
Dec. 1, 2008 -- Schedule change
The Thanksgiving holiday prompts a change in the round three chemo schedule. I get a reprieve on the usual Friday appointment and have my double dose instead on this Monday.
Dec. 12, 2008 -- Not the best news
Yesterday's CT scan did not provide the confirmation we had hoped that the tumor is shrinking. The doctor today said it is about the same size as when treatment began in October. But as least it isn't bigger, and blood tests for cancer activity showed improvement.
Dec. 19, 2008 -- Finishing round four
A double dose of chemo today wraps up the fourth cycle of chemo, just in time for a breather before the holidays.
Jan. 9, 2009 -- Chemo cycle five, with a twist
I was ready for a new round of chemo the day after New Year's but the doctor's office didn't have enough other willing patients that Friday to warrant bringing the doctor in, so the fifth cycle was delayed to today. Rather than further postpone the attack, the doctor made today a double-dose day, with the single dose next Friday.
Jan. 14, 2009 -- PET scan
I think I've had every kind of scan there is now; this one is to look inside the tumor at cancer activity, or lack there of.
Jan. 16, 2009 -- Final chemo
Today's single dose ends up being my last. This week's scan showed a lot of the tumor is dead tissue but it is still active and growing at the top. Challenge now is to find the right surgeon to take out the tumor.
Feb. 12, 2009 -- Cut it out!
This is the date for surgery at OSU Medical Center to remove this tumor, now too massive to call just a lump. It will be more like delivering a demon baby.
Feb. 13, 2009 -- It's finally gone
The operation was a success. In addition to taking out about 10 pounds of tumor, the surgeon also removed pieces of my pancreas, stomach and intestines but didn't have to take out a kidney, as he thought he might. I have two drains in my side and a tube through my nose to my stomach, along with an IV-tube in my neck, but knowing the tumor is gone is a great relief.
Feb. 20, 2009 -- Going home
A week and a day after surgery, I am heading home. It's nice to get in my own bed but I still have a long recovery ahead.
March 3, 2009 -- More progress
I leave a follow-up visit to the surgeon with my staples and the last drain removed. He says I am doing great; that some people who had such extensive surgery would still be in the hospital.
March 17, 2009 -- Looking ahead
Tom and I meet with a new oncologist today. His job will be to guard against recurrences and help me fight back if they occur. He seems appropriately thorough and up for the task.
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