Anticipation

On this last day of the month, I look forward to December for the many gifts and joyous celebrations I believe it will bring. I am thinking not just of Christmas, although that is at the top of the list, but also of continued progress in this cancer fight.

My oncologist has said he will soon order new scans to confirm our visual observations that the tumor is shrinking. I am anxious to have that medical confirmation, although there are always unbidden fears of the unknown. Whenever doubts surface, my strategy to banish them is to say a quick prayer for strength and remind myself of all the love and positive energy that surround me.

Occasions to celebrate this last month of the year also include Ben's graduation, Tom's birthday, other family birthdays and several gatherings of friends for holiday cheer. None of us can deny the widespread economic troubles that color these days, but I am grateful for how the recession has curbed our tendencies toward frantic excess. As we all realize what truly matters most, I look forward to the upcoming celebrations with family and friends more expectantly than I have in years.

Blessings, postscript

I thought about counting my faith as a blessing, but it is more than that. My strong belief that God has a more perfect plan for my life than I can possibly imagine is the essence woven through me, rainbow-coloring all my perceptions.

My faith was strengthened through my first bout with cancer and I know it has already grown in this current fight. I feel surrounded by love, and I am comforted immensely when I hear that friends and family have enlisted others to pray for me.

I have written this before but it is worth repeating: My prayer is to be so filled with God's love that it overflows, and I am a vessel to carry His love to others. What can be more fulfilling and beautiful than that?

Ultimate blessings

I saved the best for last in my recounting of blessings leading up to this Thanksgiving Day. The best blessing of all is my family! I wish my husband, children, mother, siblings and extended family did not have to go through this cancer fight with me, but they have not wavered in their support at every step.

Tom has had to witness the worst of it. He watched the tumor grow impossibly fast, helped me in and out of bed when the pain spiked before chemo began, cut my hair when it started falling out and accompanies me to chemo, even though I am capable of getting there and back by myself. He sits next to me while the drugs drip in, providing comfort that don't need words to convey.

Mandy has been another rock. I leaned on her before I was ready to tell anyone else but Tom that I had found a lump. When it was time to reach out to others, Mandy shared my situation with our newspaper colleagues, bringing in another wave of support. Without her help and encouragement, I would not have this blog to express my feelings and keep my cheerleaders apprised of my progress.

Ben is the quiet supporter. His inquiries as to how I am feeling are frequent these days, along with offers to stop at the grocery for anything I need and to help with laundry on weekends.

Mom and my siblings keep cheering me on from the sidelines. When my early discomfort and the first round of chemo stole my appetite, Mom delivered her chicken noodle soup and mashed potatoes the same day I said that sounded good to me. From visions of pick-axing angels to praise for my blogging and offers of all kinds of help, my siblings and other family members remind me their positive thoughts and prayers are continuing.

My family has always been a source of great strength and comfort. Today I give thanks for my family more than ever!

Blessings, Part III

It is true what they say about counting your blessings instead of sheep. I woke up in the middle of the night, started thinking about what I would be writing here this morning, and ended up sleeping longer than I intended. What a blessing to have more good sleep! My list for the week continues:

1. Good friends. There is nothing like getting a serious illness to bring out the best in your friends, and to increase their ranks. I am amazed at the offers from friends to run errands for me, be my taxi, help me to find the best medical care, or just letting me know they are praying for me and sending out positive thoughts.
2. Good work. I can't imagine not being able to spend part of my day engaged in meaningful effort -- feeling like I am helping to produce something or improve something. I find great joy in the creative aspects of my work. I am especially grateful to have something other than my illness on which to focus my attention.
3. Good books. My son persuaded me earlier this year to begin reading the Harry Potter books. I had resisted them for so long, but I am very glad Ben finally prevailed. They are so entertaining! Book 5 is currently on my nightstand. I have already gushed enough in this blog about Coach Tressel's "The Winners Manual for the Game of Life." Now I am reading another good book that came from my pastor, "The Art of Possibility."

More blessings tomorrow!

Blessings, Part II

Continuing from yesterday's list, here are more things I am thankful for today.

1. Saving time. It's amazing how quickly I can get ready to leave the house when I don't have to spend time shampooing and conditioning my hair, blow-drying and curling it and then brushing it into place. Just plop on my wig and wiggle it around a little to make sure it's not lopsided, and I'm done!
2. Saving money. Sticking with the hair theme, the money I'm talking about saving here is what I am not spending on hair coloring and cuts. That can get pricey every couple of months!
3. Saving sleep. Although I still miss my morning workouts, I have to admit that I am getting at least an extra hour's sleep by not setting my alarm to head to the gym before work. I will enjoy the extra sleep while I can, and then count it as another blessing when I am ready to return to that routine.

Blessings, Part I

Might as well go with a theme of Thanksgiving this week. I have so many blessings to count, I am sure I can come up with a few every day between now and Thursday.

1. Chemo sleep. I don't remember reading about it as an expected side effect but my experience is I get my best night's sleep in these days after a treatment. Not just a good eight hours but nine or more if I go to bed early enough. And I love a good night's sleep!
2. Time of year. I think I would be really ticked to be dealing with cancer and chemo in the middle of the summer, when I would want to be more active. Late fall and winter is perfect for hunkering down. Bulkier clothes hide the lump of my tumor as well as the protruding port on my right shoulder blade. Shorter days make for better sleeping, too!
3. Head warmers. This is also the best time of year to lose my hair. My wig adds warmth when I need it most. And how silly would it look to wear knit hats to the grocery store in the middle of summer? I have always been a closet hat person -- love to try them on in the store but too self-conscious to wear them in public. Now I even feel a little sassy to wear a knit hat for running errands on weekends, or even around the house on cold days.

Thankful

I hate to jump the gun, but I can't wait until Thanksgiving to express how blessed I am feeling this morning.

The sun is shining, the Buckeyes were victorious over Michigan, and the tumor in my abdomen is getting smaller. My high spirits might also have something to do with a good night's sleep. I think chemotherapy has a way of helping the body rest when that's what it needs most.

The success I am feeling with my treatment so far is starting to expand my horizon. Instead of focusing on getting to the point of being able to undergo surgery, my outlook is getting longer. What new goals can I set for myself after I recover from the surgery? It is exhilerating to contemplate my life beyond Cancer 2.0.

On this morning after the Buckeyes' win, let me share some inspiration from the final chapter in Coach Tressel's "The Winners Manual for the Game of Life." The coach writes, "Purpose is a gift from God....Lasting goals are also from God, and they affect the people around us for good." I don't know yet what goals I will set for myself after I get through this fight, but I pray that they will bring good to others.