Anticipation

I have that song in my head this morning from the old ketchup commercial, where the bottle is upside down and the good stuff inside is so slow to emerge onto the waiting hamburger. I am looking forward to this morning's CT scan, and also fearing it a little; not the test itself, but the results.

The earlier tests were easier to approach. With the first CT scan back in September, it was more of a curiosity. We didn't know what we were dealing with yet. My family doctor had said it could be something as simple as a hernia. Then we learned it was much more serious.

Now there's a lot more riding on the outcome. I have been trying not to set my hopes too high, not to expect miracles. Surely today's tests will show some movement in the right direction. I know the chemo has had some effect. My abdomen no longer feels like it is about to explode. The question is how much change, how much improvement, and is it enough to make surgery safe now? I don't really expect to be pronounced ready for surgery yet, but it would be nice to have medical confirmation that good stuff is happening.

I could have the results as early as tomorrow when I see the doctor before my chemo session. Or it could be the following Friday, since my regular doctor is on vacation this week. Like all those kids out there waiting for results on the finals they are taking this week, I'll be counting on some prayers for good news.