Head versus heart

I hate it when my head and my heart are in conflict.

This being my predictable chemo crash day, my head knows what I need to do, which is nothing. My body needs rest today and doesn't have the energy to do much more than sit or lie around the house and maybe even steal a nap or two. But I am not sick at my stomach, thankfully, and the aches right now are slight.

That's what has me wrestling with my heart. I should be attending church this morning, it argues, and then overseeing a quick meeting after services. It's important for me to be there, that little voice insists. What will it hurt to push myself a bit this morning if I rest the remainder of the day?

But my head knows the price. I didn't listen to my head three weeks ago when crash day came in the middle of the week, and I was up more than down, even while staying home from work. It took me twice as long to recover and cost me more head and body aches than it should have. I best not chance that again with Christmas just a few days away, my head reasons.

I should be heading upstairs to get ready by now, if I were going to church. But I'm not moving very fast, and my head is winning the argument. Either answer does not sit well with me, but I have promised my mom to take better care of myself.